5 Things You Should Never Say To Your Child

On average, a person speaks between 7,000 and 14,000 words each day. Within that flood of language, some words stay with us far longer than others—especially those said in moments of frustration or anger.

For parents, words carry a unique weight. They shape a child's self-image, influence their confidence, and build—or weaken—the emotional bond between parent and child. In everyday conversations, a simple phrase can either open the door to trust and connection or quietly shut it.

Though all parents experience stress and difficult days, it’s important to be mindful of what is said in heated moments. Words, once spoken, cannot be taken back. Children, with their sensitive ears and hearts, often hold on to these remarks, sometimes for life.

Among the thousands of things one might say in a day, there are certain phrases you should never say to your child. Not because mistakes aren’t allowed, but because these particular expressions can quietly chip away at a child’s confidence, security, or sense of worth.

This guide explores five common phrases parents should avoid, and explains why these seemingly small statements can have a lasting impact. Understanding the effect of these words not only helps avoid harm but also encourages more positive, supportive communication within the family.

As parents, it’s easy to underestimate the power of our words—especially in the whirlwind of busy days, tired evenings, and emotional moments. But the truth is, what we say to our children becomes part of the story they tell themselves about who they are. Every word has the potential to either uplift or discourage, to comfort or confuse.

Children are constantly absorbing the world around them. Their minds are like sponges—soaking up not only what we say, but how we say it. A warm word can offer security, while a harsh remark can linger long after the moment has passed. That’s why it’s so important to think carefully about the things we never say to your child, even when we're upset.

Sometimes, out of frustration or fatigue, certain phrases slip out. It happens to the best of us. But there are specific things you should consciously aim to never say to your child—not because you're expected to be perfect, but because these words can unintentionally leave emotional bruises. When heard repeatedly, they may influence how a child sees themselves, how they relate to others, and how safe they feel expressing their emotions.

Even a single moment of careless speech can echo through a child's self-esteem. But the good news is, with awareness and intention, we can shift our language and create a more supportive and loving atmosphere. Small changes in what we say—and how we say it—can make a big difference.

This isn’t about judgment. It’s about learning, growing, and choosing more mindful communication. So as we move forward, let’s explore five common phrases you should never say to your child, and why avoiding them matters more than we might realise.

It’s not uncommon for parents to feel overwhelmed or frustrated during challenging moments. However, saying “You’re making me angry” to a child places the burden of emotional responsibility on their shoulders—something no child is meant to carry.

In truth, no one else makes us feel a certain way. A child’s behaviour may certainly influence how we feel, but ultimately, emotions belong to the individual experiencing them. When a parent tells their child they are the cause of their anger, it can send a powerful, and often harmful, message. It implies that the child holds the power to control how their parent feels and behaves—a concept that can lead to guilt, fear, and confusion.

This kind of communication, whether intended or not, can also feel manipulative. It says, “I’m angry, and it’s your fault. If you don’t behave the way I want, I’ll continue to be upset.” That dynamic not only creates distance but also undermines a child’s sense of safety and trust.

Children, especially in stressful situations, respond in one of three ways: they fight back, they withdraw, or they freeze in fear. When a parent becomes the source of that fear, it erodes the emotional foundation needed for healthy connection and communication. It’s a frightening experience for any child to believe they are responsible for someone else's intense emotions.

Moreover, blaming others for how we feel removes our own agency. It sends the message that others must ‘fix’ us, which isn’t realistic or fair—especially for children. Emotions such as anger are signals that something inside needs attention, not that someone else is at fault.

Instead of projecting anger, parents can model healthy emotional regulation. A calm, simple statement like, “I’m noticing I feel frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a moment to calm myself” shows children how to identify and manage their emotions without placing blame.

This approach strengthens trust and teaches emotional intelligence, a skill children will use throughout life. It also reinforces a core truth that should never be forgotten: adults are responsible for themselves, not their children.

This is why “You’re making me angry” is something you should never say to your child. Instead, aim to be the steady presence they can rely on, especially in times of tension. After all, children are not responsible for calming adults down—it’s the grown-up’s role to lead with emotional maturity.

The words parents use become the internal voice children carry with them into adulthood. When that voice is filled with criticism, harsh labels, or even sarcastic comments, it can chip away at their sense of self and affect how they view the world around them.

Calling a child “dumb”—or using similar put-downs like “careless,” “annoying,” or “stupid”—does more than just sting in the moment. Over time, these words plant seeds of self-doubt and can lead to a belief that they’re inherently flawed or not good enough.

Even so-called ‘jokes’ or sarcastic remarks, especially when used to correct behaviour, can be deeply hurtful. Children don’t have the same ability as adults to interpret nuance. What might feel like light-hearted teasing to a parent may come across as genuine criticism to a child.

Research shows that children raised in highly critical environments often struggle with emotional regulation, avoid difficult tasks for fear of failure, and have difficulty reading others’ facial expressions. This impacts their relationships, confidence, and ability to understand emotional cues.

Rather than criticising, parents can shift the focus to problem-solving. When a child makes a mistake, it’s a valuable moment to support their growth, not tear them down. Encouraging a collaborative approach—“Let’s figure this out together”—helps maintain the child’s self-esteem while guiding them toward a better outcome.

A helpful reminder is this: if a phrase wouldn’t be said to a close friend or colleague, it likely has no place in conversation with a child. Harsh words spoken in anger are hard to forget—and that’s one reason why “You’re dumb” is something you should never say to your child.

Every child deserves to feel safe, accepted, and valued—even when they’ve done something wrong. It’s in these moments of struggle that the way a parent responds truly matters. When handled with kindness and clarity, discipline becomes not just corrective, but transformative.

Parents may, at times, find themselves tempted to compare one child to another—often in the hope that it will spur better behaviour or encourage improvement. However, regardless of intent, the effect these comparisons have on a child can be deeply damaging.

When one child is held up as a standard, the other is left feeling inferior, inadequate, or even unloved. It fosters a sense of rivalry between siblings, rather than cooperation or mutual respect. In truth, comparing children—whether positively or negatively—creates tension not only between the siblings but also within the parent-child relationship itself.

Even the child positioned as the ‘favourite’ or more ‘accomplished’ may experience pressure to maintain that image. This perceived expectation can lead to anxiety, perfectionism, or fear of failure. In short, no one benefits from these kinds of comparisons.

Instead, it’s far more supportive to focus on the present moment and the behaviour at hand. Parents are encouraged to speak to the situation—not the child’s worth. Describing what was observed, rather than guessing at motives or drawing comparisons, keeps the conversation productive. From there, the focus can shift towards problem-solving as a team.

Children flourish when they feel secure in their individuality and know that their value doesn’t depend on matching a sibling’s achievements or personality. That’s why phrases like “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” are ones to never say to your child.

Every child deserves to be seen and appreciated for who they are—not who someone else is. By avoiding comparison and embracing each child’s unique strengths, parents help foster confidence, connection, and a more harmonious family dynamic.

There are moments in parenting that feel utterly overwhelming. Tempers flare, patience wears thin, and the natural urge is to push everyone away. Yet the words “Go away” or “Stop talking to me”—especially when spoken to a child—can feel like outright rejection.

Young children, in particular, rely on their caregivers for reassurance and connection. Being told to leave can be interpreted as a withdrawal of love or interest, especially in the heat of an emotional moment. It doesn’t just end the conversation—it may silence future ones, too.

Of course, it’s healthy and normal for parents to need space. But rather than blaming the child or demanding they leave, it’s more constructive to take ownership of that need. A calm statement such as, “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and need a moment to myself” gives children clarity and teaches emotional self-awareness by example.

Following up later—once calm has been restored—can also reinforce connection. Reassuring a child that the pause was about the parent needing to reset, not about the child being unwanted, helps maintain trust.

Learning how to manage overwhelm respectfully is just one of many reasons this is something to never say to your child. When handled thoughtfully, even difficult emotions can become opportunities for modelling emotional resilience and respectful communication.

When a child’s behaviour feels challenging, it’s all too easy for frustration to take over. A question like “What’s wrong with you?” may slip out in the heat of the moment, but its impact can linger far beyond the situation itself.

Such phrases can feel deeply personal and shaming to a child. Rather than encouraging reflection or cooperation, they suggest that the child is the problem—rather than recognising there’s a problem to be solved together. These words can cause confusion, lower self-esteem, and even distance the child from the very guidance they need most.

Instead, it’s far more productive to pause and shift the focus from blame to collaboration. Asking, “How can we sort this out together?” invites a sense of teamwork and signals to the child that they’re not alone in facing difficulties.

When parents lead with curiosity and compassion rather than criticism, children feel safer to express themselves and more willing to cooperate. It also teaches them that problems are normal—and solvable—without resorting to blame.

This is why “Why are you being so difficult?” is something you should never say to your child. Instead, lean into connection. A calm, solution-focused approach supports emotional growth, strengthens the parent-child bond, and builds the resilience needed to navigate future challenges.

Parenting is a journey filled with both joyful and trying moments. It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed or lost at times. But one of the most powerful tools a parent has is their voice—used not only to guide and teach, but also to comfort, connect, and build up a child’s sense of worth.

While no parent is perfect, being thoughtful about the words we use can make a world of difference. The phrases explored in this guide are ones to never say to your child, not to shame or judge, but to raise awareness of the emotional impact our language can have.

Every child deserves to feel safe, valued, and understood. When parents choose their words with care—especially in difficult moments—they help build a lasting foundation of trust and emotional security. In doing so, they not only teach children how to navigate their own emotions, but also how to treat others with kindness and respect.

So when the days feel long and the patience runs thin, take a breath. Reflect, reset, and remember: it’s not about getting everything right—it’s about growing, learning, and being willing to do things differently. And if there’s one thing to keep in mind moving forward, it’s this—some things are best left unsaid. Choose wisely what you never say to your child, and let compassion lead the way.

If you're a parent seeking support in building calmer, more connected relationships with your child, you’re warmly invited to book a free discovery call and explore the right guidance for your family.

1. What should I do if I’ve already said one of these things to my child?
It’s never too late to make amends. Acknowledge the mistake, apologise sincerely, and reassure your child with love and understanding. Children appreciate honesty and are often very forgiving.

2. Isn’t it normal to get angry with your children sometimes?
Yes, feeling angry is completely normal. What matters is how that anger is expressed. Managing emotions calmly and modelling emotional control helps children learn to do the same.

3. How can I stop myself from saying hurtful things in the heat of the moment?
Try to pause and take a breath before responding. Step away if needed. Having a few calm, prepared phrases can also help you navigate tense moments more gently.

4. What’s the harm in comparing siblings if I think it will motivate them?
Comparisons often do more harm than good. They can create resentment, damage self-esteem, and strain sibling relationships. It’s better to focus on each child’s unique qualities and growth.

5. How can I encourage better behaviour without using criticism?
Use positive reinforcement, focus on solutions, and involve your child in problem-solving. Encouraging effort, recognising small wins, and staying connected makes a bigger difference than harsh words.

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