Questions to Ask at Parents Evening: How to Prepare When You're Worried About Your Child's Behaviour
The best questions to ask at parents evening are open and practical, such as how your child is settling, how they get on with other children, where they need support and what you can do at home. To prepare, jot down two or three worries, ask your child what they would like you to raise, and think about what you see at home. If you are worried about your child's behaviour, you are allowed to say so. A calm, curious conversation with the teacher is the quickest way to a shared plan. This guide gives you simple ways to prepare, the questions that help, and gentle wording for raising behaviour concerns without feeling judged.
Why Does Parents Evening Feel So Nerve-Wracking?
You walk into a small classroom, sit on a tiny chair and have about ten minutes. Your mind races. What if they say my child is struggling? What if they think it is something I am doing?
If that feels familiar, you are far from alone. Parents evening can bring up old school memories, worry about your child and the pressure of squeezing a lot into a short slot.
Here is the reassuring part. Teachers want to work with you, not against you. You see your child at home, they see your child in class, and together you get the full picture.
Which Questions to Ask at Parents Evening Really Help?
Oxford Owl from Oxford University Press suggests bringing written questions, because a ten-minute slot passes quickly, and taking notes, especially on ideas for helping at home. Here are some questions to ask at parents evening, grouped so you can pick two or three that matter most to you.
Questions about learning and settling in
"How is my child settling in, and what do they seem to enjoy most?"
"Are they making the progress you would expect?"
"Is there anything where they need extra support, and what is being done?"
Questions about friendships and feelings
"Do they get along with other children and have friends they play with?"
"How do they seem at the start and end of the day?"
"Do they join in with class discussions?"
If friendships are on your mind, our guide on what to do when your child has no friends may help.
Questions to ask at parents evening about behaviour
"Have you noticed any changes in how they behave? When does it tend to happen?"
"What helps them calm down or refocus?"
"Is there anything you do at school that we could try at home?"
Questions about next steps
"What can we do at home to help?"
"Can we agree a time to catch up again?"
How to Prepare for Parents Evening: A Simple Checklist
You do not need a long list or a perfect script. A little preparation helps you stay calm and make the most of the time you have. These parents evening tips keep it simple.
Ask your child what they would like you to raise
Oxford Owl suggests asking your child what they would like you to mention, then sharing the positive comments with them afterwards. It helps your child feel part of the conversation, and it can tell you things you did not know. You could ask, "Is there anything you would like me to tell your teacher?"
Write down two or three questions
Pick the things that matter most, and note them on your phone or in a small notebook. If you only get through two, you will still leave with what you came for.
Share what you see at home
Oxford Owl also suggests sharing what you notice at home, including how your child responds to people and situations. Think about mood after school, sleep, appetite, friendships and homework. Even small details can help a teacher see the whole child.
Check whether your child should come
This varies from school to school, so check the invitation or ask the class teacher. If your child comes, tell them in advance what to expect.
Aim for one or two clear next steps
Oxford Owl suggests leaving with agreed next steps for you, your child and the teacher. Even something small, such as a weekly check-in or one thing to try at home, gives you a way forward.
How Do I Talk About My Child's Behaviour at Parents Evening?
This is often the part parents dread most. Oxford Owl advises being ready to hear something unexpected, such as behaviour in class or falling behind in a topic. It helps to remember that you are hearing one piece of the picture, and that you can respond with curiosity instead of worry.
Start with curiosity, not blame
You could say: "Thank you for telling me. I would like to understand more. When does it tend to happen, and what helps?" That keeps the conversation open and shows you are on the same side.
Share your side of the story
If your child is finding something hard, tell the teacher what you see at home, such as tiredness, worries or changes at home. Young Minds says it can help to tell the school what is going on and what support your child needs.
The table below shows some things you might hear, what they can mean, and a helpful question to ask in return.
Our guide to talking to your child about big emotions can help with the conversation at home afterwards.
What Should Happen After Parents Evening?
The conversation does not have to end when the ten minutes are up. Here is a gentle way to follow it through.
Share the good bits first. Tell your child the positive things you heard, as Oxford Owl suggests.
Talk about one thing to try. Choose a small step, and ask your child what they think would help.
Send a short thank-you email. Summarise what was agreed, so everyone is on the same page.
Ask for a longer meeting if needed. Oxford Owl notes that ten minutes is often not enough, and a teacher may suggest a further meeting to build a joint plan.
Review in a few weeks. If key issues were raised, arrange a follow-up to see how things are going.
If your child's reluctance to go to school comes up, our guide to a child who hates school may help. If you are also worried about unkindness from other children, see how to check if your child is being bullied.
When Should I Get More Support?
It is worth looking for more support if worries about behaviour, anxiety or friendships carry on for a while, or if your child seems very low, withdrawn or afraid of school.
Young Minds says schools can often offer pastoral support, mentoring, peer buddying, and clubs and activities, so ask what is available. If you are worried about how your child is feeling, your GP can learn more about how they are, suggest helpful steps and tell you about local services.
You can also call the YoungMinds Parents Helpline on 0808 802 5544. It offers information and advice to parents who are worried about a child's wellbeing. It is open 9.30am to 4.00pm, Monday to Friday.
Trust your instincts. You know your child best.
Conclusion: You Do Not Need Perfect Questions, Just an Open Conversation
The best questions to ask at parents evening are the ones that matter to you and your child. Ask how they are settling, how they get on with others, where they need support and what you can do at home. Share what you see, listen with curiosity and aim for one or two small next steps.
If your child's behaviour comes up, take a breath. It is one part of the picture, and you and the teacher are on the same team. Parents evening is the start of the conversation, and you can always ask for another.
